life, me

What’s Going on with me…

me

September and October were very tough months for me. If you’re a regular reader and remember my Life of an Entrepreneur post, I mentioned a “nugget” that I said I’d talk more in depth about later when I finally addressed it on my own. 

Well I’ve finally started.

At the beginning of September I spoke to my physician about an issue I’ve been shelving since my son was born 7 years ago. I think I would have continued to shelve the topic if I hadn’t read an article from Alison Gresik on Walking Depression.

When my son was born in 2007 I had post partum depression. 

I read up on the topic and everything said, oh it’ll go away in time. I’m personally a very stubborn creature and figured I could just wait this out. Since then I haven’t been the same person I was before PPD. Life threw me curve balls, there’s been some really hard times and really great ones too.

That’s how life is.

I took that to mean that if that’s how life is, this is how it always will be and put my head down, took care of what and who I needed to, and trudged along. Trudging doesn’t get you very far though OR is very fun. Plodding is a good word too, the idea of constantly working to make things better but not getting fulfillment out of it. Any of it.

I’d talk with my hubs about it at those times when it bubbled up past the dam of stubbornness and my odd fear of being paid attention to. He’d be supportive but nothing would really change. I didn’t really know what to change, if it could change or how it would be possible.

I just kept plodding.

Or trudging.

Then this summer I read that article and when I got to the 10 signs section it was like the verbose equivalent of being smacked in the face with the truth. My PPD never went away, its been simmering for 7 years. That’s why I wasn’t the same as before. It had finally clicked for me.

That week I made the appointment with my doctor, which was a huge and nerve racking step. My odd fear of attention was put to the test when I went to my appointment. Luckily, though still as hard as I thought it would be, my doctor is incredible.

After starting a prescription for my PPD/MDD and a hormone imbalance I spent a couple weeks trying to settle in. Besides being stubborn I’m also impatient so it was a very trying time for me. I got sick from the prescriptions, which was expected, but it didn’t get better. My prescription for my hormone imbalance was causing some bad side effects that led me to being very anemic and being in bed for over a week in mid-october. I was put on something different to treat the side effects then went back to discuss more options on that front with a specialist my doctor referred me to. We thought initially that I would be facing surgery but the specialist had a couple pill options she wanted to try first, 10 days into this new treatment and its going well. In a couple weeks I get to go back in to have my PPD/MDD treatment adjusted if its still going well.

Its a work in progress but no one said this would be a short journey.

I may be impatient, and stubborn, but progress is its own reward.

And I can see that now.

The moral of this long winded story is that you are worth the attention and the help. You may take care of everyone else but don’t forget to take care of yourself at the same time. I put that off for 7 years and its going to be a long road to fixing it. 

For someone who freely admits their impatience, you’d think I’d have figured this out sooner.

 

25 comments to “What’s Going on with me…”

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  1. It may take a while to get all of your meds just right, but I know you will pull through this!! I think as moms, we tend to put everyone else first. You are your best advocate, don’t be afraid to speak up! Take care of you!! <3

  2. Wow! You are amazing for sharing this, the silence and almost taboo about mental health issues really needs to be broken. I am so impressed by you, both for being open about your depression and especially for being able to start and run a successful business despite having depression weighing you down. That is truly incredible!
    Some Odd Girl is my all time favorite stamp brand and I learned to color with your stamps, so they really have a special place in my crafting heart! I wish you all the best in your journey to leave depression behind you. And I can’t even imagine what wonderful creative things you will accomplish when you get rid of the depression!

  3. Kristy, I can relate more than you know! I’m keeping you in my prayers and hope the treatments you’re seeking start to help you turn a corner very soon. I’m here if you ever need to chat! xo Angelica

  4. Kristy, I’m sorry you’ve been struggling, but I’m glad you finally went to see the doctor. I’m a “I need a quick fix” kind of girl, so I understand your impatience!!! Stick with it, you are worth it! xoxo

  5. Oh Kristy. I wish I was there to give you hugs. (I only give those to special people) I too have a weird fear of attention. I understand that so much. So glad you are taking care of you. Love you to bits!

  6. So sorry to hear about your troubles, Kristy!!
    But … it’ll get better and better!
    *fingers (and toes) crossed* LOL
    Keep going, girl!!
    [big hug]

    And … gorgeous photo!! wowzers!!

  7. It will get better, even when people judge you or ignore you. Focus on doing small things, one step at the time, and be honest with yourself when it’s not going well AT ALL on one day.

  8. Kristy, I’m so happy to know that you’ve been able to take these daunting first steps to get help! Your descriptions of your internal resistance to recognizing and dealing with the depression are so insightful and relatable. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best as you weather this period of adjusting medications and recovering yourself. Alison xoxo

    • Thank YOU Alison for writing those powerful articles. Without that insight I don’t know how long it would have taken to have the epiphany on my own.

  9. Thank you for sharing!! I’ve dealt with depression all my life and it’s a scary monster indeed. I hope that you and your doctor get things all figured out soon so you can feel like yourself again.

    Big hugs!!

    • Monster is a great visual for it. I kinda picture it as a con-man. The kind that is smooth with words, making you feel its all ok but is robbing you blind behind your back, then you’re surprised by how much is missing when he’s gone.

  10. soooo glad that you shared this!!! and I hope your treatments work. I think too many times, we as moms, put ourselves and needs on the back burner for too long..

  11. Bravo for being so brave to put it out in the atmosphere…you will help others! We woman do delay in putting ourselves first in so many situations so it’s understandable. One day at is all you can do! Sending you sweet thoughts 🙂

  12. Thank you so much for sharing your story girl!
    You are an amazing strong woman – and writing this for us to see is a brave thing to do!

    Luv ya tons girlie! <3

  13. I am so happy that you are taking care of you. I know how it feels and it’s something I can definitely relate to. One day at a time is all that anyone can do. Hugs!

  14. Love you girl! Thanks for sharing your story, that takes so much courage. I’m always here for you sending hugs over the miles…

  15. Life always has a curve ball to dodge, and you have taken a great step to move forward. Sharing is a very healing experience and you will realize that you are not alone in your journey. I send you hugs for putting it out there, which will encourage others. You are not stubborn or impatient. You are strong willed and determined. I always enjoy reading and watching “Odd Girl”, which inspires me to grab those Copics. You bring such joy to many unknown faces. Please know you have many supporters out there.

    • Thank you for those amazing words Peggy! I appreciate the support and “strong willed and determined” definitely sounds better than stubborn and impatient lol 🙂

  16. I will be saying prayers that these meds will be the continued way to go for you and that you will be back to feeling like yourself p.d.q. I am glad you finally took the step to getting the treatment you needed. 7 years is an extremely long time to suffer with that and I can’t believe you handled it that long on your own. Whether you see it or not, you are a very strong woman! I used to work in the medical field and I’ve seen women who have had it just for a few weeks in extreme agony so handling it for 7 years you sure are one amazing woman to me! Keeping you in my prayers!

  17. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I’m very sure it helped someone tremendously. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be “fixed” ASAP. Remember, this has been going on 7 years and it may take a while to get it right. Meanwhile, I will be praying with you! Take care of yourself FIRST!

    • thanks for the words of encouragement Bridget! I think you hit the nail on the head about the pressure to have it handled and move on. I “know” it’ll take quite a while but it “feels” like it should be done already. HUGS!

  18. First off.. **HUGS!!** Thank you for sharing what must have been a hard post to write especially for something that is so personal, but I’m glad you did. Most of us don’t know the signs to look for or maybe might not be asking the right questions. For those that are used to taking care of everyone it’s always hard to ask for yourself. I’m so happy that you’re getting yourself well. As much as you want a quick fix, sometimes it’s not that easy. What’s that saying, “Good things come to those that are patient?” 🙂
    You’re on the right track and in no time you’ll see it. Take care of you! Hugs!

  19. Kristy, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been going through this. This is what my psychologist and I discovered about me in April, as well (And my youngest is 11. It won’t go away unless it’s taken care of). It’s been a hard road, but now I know I’m worth it. I’m still not totally better. Don’t think I ever will be, but I’m finding more joy in things and loving doing things again. There are still days where I am robot mom, but rather than those dominating my life, I have more good days.

    What I’m trying to say is You can do it! It’ll never be easy, but it will get easier. Better days are coming, and you’ll know you’re really making progress when you also see the change it makes in your family. 😉 That phrase “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” is all too true.

    HUGS!

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