September and October were very tough months for me. If you’re a regular reader and remember my Life of an Entrepreneur post, I mentioned a “nugget” that I said I’d talk more in depth about later when I finally addressed it on my own.
Well I’ve finally started.
At the beginning of September I spoke to my physician about an issue I’ve been shelving since my son was born 7 years ago. I think I would have continued to shelve the topic if I hadn’t read an article from Alison Gresik on Walking Depression.
When my son was born in 2007 I had post partum depression.
I read up on the topic and everything said, oh it’ll go away in time. I’m personally a very stubborn creature and figured I could just wait this out. Since then I haven’t been the same person I was before PPD. Life threw me curve balls, there’s been some really hard times and really great ones too.
That’s how life is.
I took that to mean that if that’s how life is, this is how it always will be and put my head down, took care of what and who I needed to, and trudged along. Trudging doesn’t get you very far though OR is very fun. Plodding is a good word too, the idea of constantly working to make things better but not getting fulfillment out of it. Any of it.
I’d talk with my hubs about it at those times when it bubbled up past the dam of stubbornness and my odd fear of being paid attention to. He’d be supportive but nothing would really change. I didn’t really know what to change, if it could change or how it would be possible.
I just kept plodding.
Then this summer I read that article and when I got to the 10 signs section it was like the verbose equivalent of being smacked in the face with the truth. My PPD never went away, its been simmering for 7 years. That’s why I wasn’t the same as before. It had finally clicked for me.
That week I made the appointment with my doctor, which was a huge and nerve racking step. My odd fear of attention was put to the test when I went to my appointment. Luckily, though still as hard as I thought it would be, my doctor is incredible.
After starting a prescription for my PPD/MDD and a hormone imbalance I spent a couple weeks trying to settle in. Besides being stubborn I’m also impatient so it was a very trying time for me. I got sick from the prescriptions, which was expected, but it didn’t get better. My prescription for my hormone imbalance was causing some bad side effects that led me to being very anemic and being in bed for over a week in mid-october. I was put on something different to treat the side effects then went back to discuss more options on that front with a specialist my doctor referred me to. We thought initially that I would be facing surgery but the specialist had a couple pill options she wanted to try first, 10 days into this new treatment and its going well. In a couple weeks I get to go back in to have my PPD/MDD treatment adjusted if its still going well.
Its a work in progress but no one said this would be a short journey.
I may be impatient, and stubborn, but progress is its own reward.
And I can see that now.
The moral of this long winded story is that you are worth the attention and the help. You may take care of everyone else but don’t forget to take care of yourself at the same time. I put that off for 7 years and its going to be a long road to fixing it.
For someone who freely admits their impatience, you’d think I’d have figured this out sooner.